You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
