There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
