they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
