she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
