They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
