Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
