i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
