literally had 100 drinks last night.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
