why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
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Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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