i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
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You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
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WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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