I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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