no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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