I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
