It's like God shit irony all over that family
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
