He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
