Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
