good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
