I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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