i jhust puked up my retainher.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
