he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
