glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
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