I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
