gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
