this beer tastes like vomit already
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
