I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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