Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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