In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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