Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
