Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
