Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He better not be in your backpack
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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