They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
