Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
