Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
