Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
