This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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