her vagine was all disorganized.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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