just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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