She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
