youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
