I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
