the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize