There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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