First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
