Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
