I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
