Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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