they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
