dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
