Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
