he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
