dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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