Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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