moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
