We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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