Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
