So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
