Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
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And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
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She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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