So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
