Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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