I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
