you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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