I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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