Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
