I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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