I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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