probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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