i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
