He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
