My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
