i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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