I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he fucked my hip out of place.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm at about main and main street
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
