for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
