Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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