Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
