i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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