If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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